Not so easy…

I thought I would be done by now, the paintings completed. In fact, I originally thought that I would be done by June. Now, I’m hoping to get them finished by the end of the year. It seems each time that I work on them I go deeper, and I’m enjoying that process. I don’t want to cut the paintings short because of a self-imposed deadline, or something arbitrary like an art competition. My goal is to let them develop as much as I can, I want to get to the point where I simply cannot lift a paintbrush to them.

This is different from perfectionism, which I know all too well. Perfectionism for me is essentially a fear of what others will think, it is in some ways external and there’s hesitation because you think you won’t be able to achieve what is expected. But this is different, this is just slow painting and thinking. It’s not as if I’m not working, I’m painting pretty consistently (except for when there’s jackhammering above my head) and I’m not hesitating either. I’m diving in and I love painting without fear, because it is freedom. I’m embracing it. The paintings aren’t done until I’m happy with them.

This reminds me – I think self-employed people, particularly in creative industries, often receive unsolicited advice. I concede that the majority of the time this solicitousness comes from a place of genuine concern and empathy, but not always, it can be at times condescending and belittling. I’m not sure what to do with all these unwanted bits of advice? Perhaps I could write them all down, place them in a box, and detonate the box with enough explosives to cause a permanent crater in the earth’s surface. Or I suppose there’s always meditation.

The point I’m trying to make is that I feel more comfortable with painting, even when the results aren’t great. I suppose it’s a form of self-acceptance and ditching the expectations and comparisons of others has been a revelation.  A friend of mine sent a very inspiring message about the apparent contradiction that artists can have, that is when artists focus on their inner feelings and subjects that are personal to them. It would seem that such a direction may alienate people, or even worse, feel too self-indulgent. But what he was saying is that by drawing attention to one’s inner feelings, the more relatable the work can be to audiences because it is genuine. The emotional aspects are authentic and as a result people can identify themselves with the work. So I think, whilst it can be a painful process, being true to one’s creativity and personality is the only path forward to creating art that has substance and resonance.

Please let me know what you think, I am also keen to write about some of my favourite artists, Titian (again), Rembrandt, Vermeer, Bacon…there’s too many to talk about. I love so many of them.

Yours truly,

Jackson